Saturday, June 12, 2010

perfect weather to fly.

the rainy days.

Ok, I've been slacking on this blogging thing. I apologize.

It's not that I haven't been inspired to write, it's that I'll write about 4 sentences and I don't feel like it is anything important, anything relevant or helpful. But as something I've been feeling lately, I think this is something worth mentioning.

Really, I don't mind being by myself for awhile. It is something that I've grown to sort of enjoy, and I really value time to do whatever makes my heart happy. But I've been living by myself with 3 cats (hopefully not a foreshadowing of the future) for the past couple days. I've driven long distances to come home to empty houses. I have to cook for myself (which is something I really, really do not enjoy). It's been raining, I have lots of photo editing to do, so I have been indoors and by myself. It was relaxing for the first two days, and then it got unbelievably lonely. It's not that I need someone physically here, I can survive without that. I miss feeling needed and depended on. I know I mentioned in my last post that it's good to learn to be alone, so I've been really trying.

I've noticed that being a photographer is a solo job. You can collaborate, but it's not really a team effort. So I've been coming to terms that. I've been filling my time up with things. I wake up, I check emails, I feed the kittens, I make a cup of tea and breakfast. I edit until lunch time. I make lunch, another cup of raspberry tea. I clean the house, I edit more photos, I sleep, I pack, another cup of tea and eat dinner and read a book in the hammock in the living room.

I've also been listening to a lot of the Dixie Chicks...good, or bad? You tell me. But they speak a lot of true words.

All this time I've been here, I've been yearning for adventure. My aunt who lives about an hour and a half away called me, and asked me to come help her work in her garden. It's about as much physical work I can do right now due to a separated shoulder. I happily jumped in the car, and ended up wishing I hadn't had wished for an adventure. 3 hours later, and 4 drives through the "town" (if you blink, you will drive through it) later, I was planting squash, carrots, tomatoes, potatoes and eggplant.

I got to dig my hands in the dirt, I got to talk to my aunt one on one and I ate raw asparagus, which will now forever hold a special place in my heart. I heard stories and I realized how incredibly amazing my aunt is. I also asked a bazillion questions about gardening and she calmly answered every single one of them. As I drove home, I had such an greater appreciation of roots. Whether its family, plants, or metaphorical, roots are good.

"I want to touch the earth I wanna break it in my hands.
I want to grow something wild and unruly.
I wanna sleep on the hard ground in the comfort of your arms.
On a pillow of blue bonnets in a blanket made of stars."