polaroids.

Ah friends. It is almost that time again.

The time of the year where I like driving with the windows down with silver cuff bracelets around my wrists and the wind tasting like happiness and adventures and wild things.

The time of the year where I play music in my vehicle very loudly that have instruments that sing to my heart like banjos and harmonicas.

It is also the time of the year that I feel positive. It might be the dramatic increase in vitamin B, but I feel like my life, no matter where it goes, it will be good. I was just thinking today:

question: what if the grant doesn't go through and 6 months of work doesn't cut it?

answer: it will be alright, the amount of networking and the entire process will help you in the future.

question: what if I am never "successful"?

answer: what the heck is successful anyways? and who is the judge of whether you are or are not? It is all you.

question: where is my life going?

answer: wherever the breeze decides to take me, wherever I choose to plant my roots.

I am starting on a photo project. It will be ongoing, and it will hopefully involve you. I would like to tell your story. Specifically:

what makes you come alive?

What encourages you to keep living day to day and do what you do?

What drives you?

The photo project is called "I will tell your story". What I am hoping is that people will volunteer for this, and I won't have to ask. I think everyone has a story that is worth telling, and I would like to be the one to tell it. Please be a part of it?

find peace.

p.s. I bought a polaroid camera and am in love with it.

short, but it will do.

it is finally spring here. I laid in bed today with my big windows cranked open. Light was shining through the blinds and I got the feeling like I was starting over. Spring is a fresh start and a new chapter of my life.

This will be short tonight.

But a sentence that I have been throwing around in my mind:

I will be here to tell your story.

expect pictures.

expect good things.

expect soul.

I am starting a new chapter of my life.

This chapter is called: Becca learns from her mistakes.

I already started it:

1. do not try to slackline in skinny jeans. they will tear, you will embarrass yourself.

2. math classes are the worst, and it is ok if you drop them.

3. failing a class does not equal life failure.

i'm exhausted, i will write more soon, but here is a sneak peak of whats to come:

1. more photos, better photos, and more words with them.

2. My possible new job this summer or soon after.

love,

b

what icicles can teach you

well, its been a blur of a couple days now. I have stopped deciphering my days between morning and night, but more so of moments. I can't really remember what happened when, I just know that it happened.

I sat with my sister and took pictures. My sister and I are close, but hardly ever talk. It makes me sad, because I wish I was more a part of her life. But I take these moments when I can. It was her idea to wear these dresses, they were opposite; night and day, just like the two of us. And despite all of our differences, we still completely understand each other.
I had a wonderful talk with a friend of mine, Virginia. We talked a lot about my uncle, about people and places and memories and things that made us cry. We talked through different computer screens, and our words flew on wires like birds to each other to let us know that we were understood. I owe her a big hug for things that I didn't think anyone agreed with but me.
I found a cave of icicles today when looking for inspiration. It made my heart beat faster when I found it, trying to figure out just what I was going to do with all of this creativity I was suddenly feeling. I tried taking pictures for an hour, but was getting frustrated trying to make the pictures look like what I was seeing in my mind.

So I stopped taking pictures.

I looked around, and decided that for right then I didn't want to live behind the lens. I sat and I watched water drip from icy white straws hanging from my porch. I would shut my eyes quick before a drop would hit my face and Veda would try to bite at it mid-air. I laughed and laughed, and I listened to what God wanted me to do with my life. In return I got, "be here".

This part is valuable to post because I think it has so much to do with today. After my uncle's accident, I was so panicked to remember every experience we had together, I forgot most of it. I don't usually share this, but I feel like this explains why I am so eager to capture everything around me. Throughout the years I have started to remember bits and parts of my memories with him, but it is still frustrating to know I am leaving things out. Forgetting things terrifies me; my memory is incredibly good but sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be living behind my camera, I should be living what I see through it. I believe that this is something that I need to strive to do better at.

Basically, "being here" has become one of my goals. I can take my camera with me, and I can take pictures, but I need to live what I'm seeing.

So, I am strongly encouraging you to help me with this, as I will need it. And I encourage you to live in right now.

love,

becca

clenched soul (by pablo neruda)

We have lost even this twilight.

No one saw us this evening hand in hand

while the blue night dropped on the world.

I have seen from my window

the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.

Sometimes a piece of sun

burned like a coin in my hand.

I remembered you with my soul clenched

in that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?

Who else was there?

Saying what?

Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly

when I am sad and feel you are far away?

The book fell that always closed at twilight

and my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.

Always, always you recede through the evenings

toward the twilight erasing statues.