A beautiful day.

I went on a lot of photo shoots today. Two to be exact.

One was fun, playful, heart warming. I went out with three ladies I haven't gotten to spend very much time with yet, and we toughed it out in the snow. I am more than ready for summer to come. It's so much easier to shoot photos when you don't have to de-layer 5 jackets to get ready for the picture. It was so fun to relax, take fun photos of wonderful people and not take anything seriously.

The other shoot I went on was beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, I caught myself tearing up a couple times at the sheer beauty and talent that I was surrounded by. My friend, Lucas, played this song on his cello:

And my friend Krina danced however she felt moved to while he played. I tried to hold the camera and document everything but there were just moments where I could do nothing but stop and take the moment in. I'm so happy they chose to let me be a part of this collaboration and I'm so proud of both of their many talents they continue to amaze me with.

New Orleans

I was in the midst of grant writing today when a song came on my Pandora station. Somewhere in the heart of work, I sometimes forget what we are actually writing our grants for. I know that seems so ridiculous, but it's a deep hole where you loose yourself in sentence structure, punctuation and persuasiveness. Once I take a step back from the grammar, I remember why we are writing this, why we want to go to Indonesia, and for a couple minutes, I allow myself to think about the possibility of us actually getting to travel there.

I've been so caught up in the actual writing process (we have been spending almost 6 hours a day writing these for our Wednesday deadline), that I took off work and sometimes school to concentrate on this. I slept in yesterday until almost noon, which I rarely ever do. This morning I woke up early, went for a run and then dropped into the coffee shop to work on more grant planning. As I was sitting, feeling uninspired and burnt out on writing and editing, a song from my New Orleans video came on. I got tears in my eyes, as it reminded me of why I'm passionate about this in the first place. It was refreshing enough that I got some work done and I uploaded this video so those of you that couldn't see it before, can now view it. Big thanks to Connor for helping me put this together.

I miss this place and all that the inspiration it gives me. I know I never did a NOLA trip report on this blog, and frankly, I'm not sure I can sum up my experiences enough to justify the trip. It was such a heartbreaking, life changing experience, I don't know that I can list all of the things I've learned.

Saving the world.

"So you think you can save the world, ma'am?"

Lee, a homeless hitchhiker asked me this when we were talking about my Social Work major at the coffee shop on Wednesday. The conversation itself was enough to make me consider my sanity in even talking to him, as throughout the discussion he brought up having a really violent past, made incredibly racist comments, and at one point I thought he was going to pull a gun out of his jacket (seriously). But I tried to look past the obvious lack of personal hygiene and smell of whiskey coming out of his pores. I think in a lot of cases, these people more than anything, just want to be listened to. So I sat and listened.

When I said I was studying Social Work, he called me an idealist.

I don't believe I can save the world. But I think I can be a change. I think I can do this by being a positive person, and encouraging others to do the same. I don't think I would label myself as an idealist, but I believe in humanity.

The conversation ended and we parted ways, only to have him bring back an elk foot into the coffee shop (he said he was planning on eating it) and then he was asked to leave. It was an interesting day but it made me consider how I plan on changing the world.

I want to:

connect with people, connect with you, show you a photograph and have you fall in love with it, have it tug on your heart strings, have it remind you of something or someone you once loved and be happy.

I want to:

travel and bring back tangible memories that allow those who couldn't be a part of it, be a part of it.

I want to:

shed light on issues that are concerning the world in a positive and hopeful way to spark change.

I want to:

love people regardless of their age, skin color, sexual orientation, beliefs, or disabilities. I want to love people unconditionally and wholeheartedly.

I want to:

be your friend.

I want to:

continue to have a positive attitude.

I want to:

leave something behind in the world that will leave people happy and inspired.

I hope I can accomplish all of these. I miss summer, I miss warm weather. I miss being able to collect my hair at the back of my neck and walk through the grass with bare feet. I miss what it felt like to be too warm and to wish for air conditioning. I miss seeing flowers alive and trees with leaves. Here are some photos that have never been shared.

bosler, wyoming and ships

The weekend finally came and I couldn't have been more grateful.

I've been dreaming about ships for the past 4 days. I'm not sure what this is a reflection of, other than change. In my dreams the water is really grey and I'm either on them on watching them sail. I can look out and see the line of the horizon and things are always calm and the sun is setting over the sounds of the water washing on the boat. I've been really happy in these dreams, because I've been seeing people who have passed away. I am aware that can sound odd to some people, but it's comforting to me. It's nice to be able to see them in a state of pure happiness.

In one of the dreams, a friend of mine told me that if I didn't pursue photography that I would be neglecting the world. As soon as he said this, I looked over my shoulder and saw my Uncle nod at me. It was a pretty powerful vision and when I woke up I was content with my life and where it is going.

But last night, I had a dream that I was sailing in the darkest blue water I've seen. I was on the ship when the front end started flooding and slowly it started sinking. The water got higher and and higher and I could feel myself being lowered into the depths. I attribute this dream to feeling overwhelmed. I've been trying to take it easy on my mind because it feels pretty overworked. I've taken really, really long walks the past two days and also tromped around the woods just a tiny bit. It has been so warm here for the past couple days, my mood has been significantly better.

I got some things off my mind today. I danced around the house this morning and cooked myself some breakfast that made me feel good. I loaded some film in my film camera and shot a couple photos and looked back through some old photos that made me remember things that I loved. Then, I was whisked off to take some photos with some really wonderful and photogenic people. We ran around in fields and looked in old buildings with cracking paint, broken glass, old shoes, and tattered couches with loose springs. It did a lot of good for the heart.