choices and decisions.

People have a lot of choices in life. You can choose what you wear to your party and what you wear when you sleep. You can choose where you want to move, when you want to move, or if you want to even move at all. You can choose to get out of bed in the morning or not get out until noon. And that’s what makes life good, right? You get to choose your happiness. When those decisions of happiness add up, they tend to equal good things.
So I’ve been noticing lately that people feel like they can only choose one thing. Maybe there are so many choices in the world, that it is exhausting to be choosing all the time, and so just picking one is easier than picking two or three or four. But I’ve seen this pattern frequently:
You either have to dress nicely all the time or you aren’t put together.
You can’t be athletic and feminine at the same time; those biceps are just a little too much.
You can’t have a career and a marriage, because both take up too much time, so you need to decide on one.
You can’t be adventurous and still have a relationship; one of them will have to go, because there isn’t room for both.
The truth is, really, that you can have both. This last phrase has been a constant theme in my life. I have seen friends, family, colleagues go through this all the time. I am surrounded by people who are making great strides in their careers and adventures and happiness and successes, but a lot of these friends and family members think that it needs to be one or the other.
Adventure vs. Family
Career vs. Relationship
Mountains vs. Stability
Life on the road vs. Home in one spot
And this isn’t talked about enough. That you can be crazy about someone and still be with them, and still go on adventures and be in the mountains and high places and travel, and still be attached to that person. I will say it again; it’s not talked about enough because it hits a spot in most people that is a little too sensitive, because sometimes maybe someone chose a mountain over you. Or maybe someone chose medical school and decided that you didn’t fit into the pursuing of their career. You might be on the other side of this, too. I know I have been on both ends. I’ve chosen to be single instead of in a relationship because it seemed easier, despite the happiness that was brought in. And I’ve also been a second choice to an adventure, because, well, they didn’t believe it was worth the sacrifice. In life people make choices, and it’s not always going to be you. It’s sad. And it’s real.
Choosing both doesn’t mean it will be life without sacrifices. And it doesn’t mean that it will be easier. And sometimes, honestly, in unique situations, you won’t be able to have both.

But listen to this: giving some things up leaves room for other things.
So really, the only decision you need to make is that you can be both.
You can have both.
You can embody more than one thing.
And no one will make that choice, but you.

dakota.

Big news! National Geographic asked to put my bio and photo up as an Explorer on their website. I'm so honored to be a part of this grant process that they give opportunity for. Please view my interview here:

www.nationalgeographic.com/explorers/bios/becca-skinner

I've been walking with a heavy heart these past days. I also woke up to Heidi crying. Four of our six chickens were killed by either a fox or a dog.

I felt so heavy and disoriented, saying goodbye to all these things that were making me so happy. Both Heidi and I agreed we still wanted to go on our planned trip to South Dakota. We were feeling an immense amount of loss and grief and wanted to run away.

So we took our chickens, dogs and our heavy hearts miles and miles up the roads to go visit our soul sister, Jade, in Spearfish. We navigated through the canyons, and watched a bald eagle fly through the pines. The sun set and we watched the lines from the aspen tree shadows stretch out on the snow. We had a late dinner in Spearfish, and waiters kept checking on us because we cried our way through the meal. We loved those chickens. 

Our days spent with Jade were important and bold. We were able to sneak a photo with the chickens in front of Mount Rushmore. We pointed out their faces and told them the history. We loved the two chickens with all our might, and they laid us blue eggs the entire way. We caught my pup sneaking off in Rapid City for a little jaunt through some parking lots and woods. We wandered around abandoned things and drank hot chocolate. We spent about 9 hours at the animal shelter. Because, really, what I will miss most of all is being able to pour love into someone and something. I have a pup for that, but the emptiness still feels like it will swallow me whole if I stand too close. So we poured all of the love we could muster up into animals who were looking for a home.

The five days we spent there were good and wholesome. I'm headed home to spend time with my family and best friend who just returned from Africa. Surround yourself with love, and it will surround you.

While searching for rocks..

"I hike over sagebrush and hills and Veda trots at my heels; stopping when I stop, moving when I move. I think to myself how it seems so flattering for her to want to be around me constantly, to not get tired of my company.

I think about how lucky I am to be comfortable here in the plains. I think about how many people will never see this place as I do and how they will think this is desolate and empty land- barren. And I think about how being out in this open space is rejuvenating and necessary-almost vital- to my very being. I have always thrived on wild. Wild places. wild people, wild hearts and ideas. Because it is in those that I believe I'm brought back to the roots of myself. The desire to see unknown land, the thought of stepping in a place that no one before me has stepped are ideas that keep my heart and soul alive and thriving.

I look around at my family, all looking for the same things. I notice my dog listens more when we are in the backcountry, and I tend to listen more, too. I notice the smallest details: the remains of an animal, the bones laid out as if in a museum, the smallest layers of a ridge, built up over time, and the gentle clouds, laying a blanket over the horizon. I believe myself and my family become better people out here. Without distractions, we are stripped of the excess, and that is when it seems to me that we are most honest and true. Each others company is strongly preferred and despite the oncoming snow and wind, everyone is smiling.

I think of all these things while I walk, foot over foot, grin stretched on my face and letting my soul be honest and wild. It is here in the open where you have the ability to think. This is maybe the only space where true, honest thought can occur. You can be honest about who you miss and why, or how being alone sometimes feels lonely but a little like home. I believe that everyone should feel a sense of being incredibly small in a large world. That sentiment is not to belittle someone, or create a sense of fear- but moreover, allow a shift in perspective- there is something much larger than your own immediate world, and it takes a paradigm shift to see it.

...these moments of pure happiness, pure joy and truth are the ones that will never change, but will forever be left the way they are."

I etched these words into a piece of paper while sitting right in this spot with Veda.

Decisions became incredibly clear and obvious, and I'm ready to move on.

it's been some time..

I can't tell you how many "drafts" of blog posts that I have from the past two weeks. It just seems every time I try to write, nothing comes out the way that I need it to. I don't just have writer's block when I try to write a post, my final report for our Sumatra trip just isn't flowing. Even my photographs have just been failing. It's not that I'm not inspired and it's not that I feel like I don't have the right things to say, I just feel empty of the right words. The more I try to fight it, the more it doesn't work.

When I looked back on this semester to ask myself what I accomplished, I couldn't think of anything tangible that I produced. Really, what I did, was taught myself to slow down. I took mornings slow, and I really value and honor that time every morning that I wake up, start the coffee and collect the eggs. I learned to take my time with relationships and friendships. I haven't been trying to rush to get to appointments, or even set them up, really. I have been so protective and honest with my time. I've been careful with money. And so now, when things are changing so drastically, it feels like so many of the things that I have poured myself into are done.

I'm not a student next semester. Not even a little bit. This simultaneously terrifies and delights me, because I know that it's the right thing to do. But the combination of relationships ending, friends moving, me getting ready to move, etc., it just seems like most of the things that matter most are changing in a large way. And who knows, maybe it will be the most positive thing, but I'm allowed to miss and it is valid to know that people who are so important to me will be truly missed of their immediate presence in my life.