Thursday, November 17, 2011

it's been some time..

I can't tell you how many "drafts" of blog posts that I have from the past two weeks. It just seems every time I try to write, nothing comes out the way that I need it to. I don't just have writer's block when I try to write a post, my final report for our Sumatra trip just isn't flowing. Even my photographs have just been failing. It's not that I'm not inspired and it's not that I feel like I don't have the right things to say, I just feel empty of the right words. The more I try to fight it, the more it doesn't work.

When I looked back on this semester to ask myself what I accomplished, I couldn't think of anything tangible that I produced. Really, what I did, was taught myself to slow down. I took mornings slow, and I really value and honor that time every morning that I wake up, start the coffee and collect the eggs. I learned to take my time with relationships and friendships. I haven't been trying to rush to get to appointments, or even set them up, really. I have been so protective and honest with my time. I've been careful with money. And so now, when things are changing so drastically, it feels like so many of the things that I have poured myself into are done.

I'm not a student next semester. Not even a little bit. This simultaneously terrifies and delights me, because I know that it's the right thing to do. But the combination of relationships ending, friends moving, me getting ready to move, etc., it just seems like most of the things that matter most are changing in a large way. And who knows, maybe it will be the most positive thing, but I'm allowed to miss and it is valid to know that people who are so important to me will be truly missed of their immediate presence in my life.

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