Tuesday, July 24, 2012

burnt out.

I have been missing Groveland lately. I think it's because living at the cabin, although it was removed and lonely at times, I felt like all my actions were thought out; they were intentional. And now, I feel as if two months have flown by and I haven't had a chance to pause and think about where I actually want to go or what I want to do or who I want to be. When I have been traveling for work, I am constantly trying to make it somewhere on time. I need to be to an event, catch a certain moment at the right time, catch a plane, catch a taxi, always feeling like I am rushing the minutes along to get somewhere. That's no way to live.

Last week was full of sad, exhausting things. My heart strings were being pulled constantly and I am glad to have finished the week off with a good trip to Boston. Now I have 1 week off work until I fly out for Salt Lake City. That is the last place on my tour before returning to Montana. I'm relieved, and though I never thought I would say it, I'm tired of traveling. I'm ready to have my own bed in a room that is decorated how I'd like it to be. Though it sounds silly, I'd like to leave my shoes in the middle of the floor and not have someone complain. I'd like to be closer to the mountains. I'm ready to not be a guest somewhere. But I have absolutely loved spending time with my family in the home I grew up in and I feel lucky to have gotten the chance to spend so much time with them. 

I want to capture my life events in a way that people can relate to and lately, I just haven't felt that they are anything relate-able. I'll keep trying later, but for now, I need to put the camera down. I think it's an important thing to know when you are pushing it too hard, and I'm at that point. In an effort to not completely drain my photo creativity, because I feel like my camera and I aren't on the same wavelength right now, I have poured myself into building furniture things. It's been nice. I get to work in the garage in the corner with all the saws and wood working material. My dad is a talented wood worker and his corner of the shop is full of wrenches and glue and nails and work gloves that look like they've lived a thousand years. I like hanging out in there, as it reminds me of my childhood and the smell of sawdust. It's a happy, inspiring work place.

Next week in SLC I will have to secure a job for the fall or start a new project. It's simultaneously exhausting and exciting. Before then, I need to pack up my car, finish up my time in Colorado and sleep in without worrying what time I will wake up.

And that is exactly what I need at this time.

1 comment:

  1. I feel you... the travelling life is a tough one... Hang in there.
    - Brett, that dude that brought you your keys that one time.