My, what a crazy adventure it has been to settle down somewhere. For someone who hasn't spent more than three weeks somewhere in 5 months, it's been nice being able to have a space to my own, a mailbox and to not live out a suitcase. The transient part of me is able to live through the different things I've been throwing myself into (most of the time).
But on days like today, after watching a part of 180* South, the restlessness stirred from deep inside my bones and within minutes I threw my camera gear in my car, packed up and was headed towards the mountains. I need to be reminded sometimes that I'm not caged up, that I don't have permanent roots somewhere. To the deep core of my being, I needed to be reminded in that moment that there was nothing stopping me from going. The other day I heard a quote, "grow where you are planted." To me right now, that means I need to pull everything I have into making this place a home. I'm not sure how long I want it to be a home, whether it's 3 more months or 3 more years. I miss my dear ocean and sea cliffs and surfing until my arms hurt and the way coastal sage smells in the summer evening.
"There is a pattern that the psychologist Geoff Powter calls the "repeating personality syndrome," the need for constant change to create excitement. Climbers exhibit it in their restlessness-at home they long to be away on an expedition, and as soon as they get to the mountains, they long to be home again."
Oh, how I fall into this.
I'll be turning 22 in a short amount of time. As I grow older, I grow more comfortable with the idea of celebrating my birthday alone in some wide open space. Last year I sat in my favorite place in Laramie and read all my favorite passages of my books- I have a terrible habit of highlighting and underlining and putting stars and brackets and circles around points I like. I don't think spending the day alone is sad, it's actually time to pour myself into a nostalgic state; to reflect on all the incredible people I've met in the last year and all the amazing experiences I've had. I've always said, I am comfortable spending lengthy times alone and thoroughly enjoy good company. So afterwards, it will be followed up with a lot of surrounding myself with lovely people. This year, I'll be gone for most of September around various parts of the country (again) and am brainstorming where to celebrate the turning of another year being alive and well. All I can assure you is that it will be grand.
Keep up the great work! I feel the same way about having to move often to not feel caged up. Maybe it's something with people who travel. We feel like we're wasting valuable time if we stare at the same scenery and people for too long.
ReplyDeleteI just turned 25 and the urge to explore seems very urgent. I'm claustrophobic. I also wanted, more than anything, to just sit in peace by myself for my birthday. Instead I spent time with friends, which was great, but tonight will be time to reflect and relax. It seems you're not alone with those feelings.
I lost your blog and info for awhile when I discontinued the Facebook life but I'm glad to have found it again! Take care!
I love the quote about climbers....so true....too true of myself. I hope your birthday was wonderful, woman!
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