Sunday, August 15, 2010

The difference between standing still and moving

I keep seeing things that inspire me.
I keep trying to convey that in photographs.
I keep disappointing myself with the outcome.

Today I found a bit of inspiration in the clouds. I ran and ran and hopped the fence and ran some more to chase these clouds and bring some back to you. As I got everything set up, I realized I had forgotten the memory card. So I ran and hopped the fence back and ran and ran and grabbed the memory card, and then did it once all over again.

By the time I got up to the hill that I had the most perfect cloud picture plans for, they had moved on. Frustrated, I sat down and got teary eyed. I feel like this has been happening so much lately. I get a sliver of inspiration and the creativity bursts out and then I can't, for some reason, bring it into any of my photos. A wire is disconnected.

All in all, I've been really frustrated the past couple days. I am learning how to make business decisions to run a business, but my emotions are so, so, soooo attached. If I could, I would give away photos to whomever wanted them. I understand though, that isn't how you run a business.

I've been frustrated with my own selfishness. All this moving around has got me hooked. When I'm away from home, I think about some place consistent. When I'm at home, I can't stop thinking about how ready I am for another adventure. When I'm someplace where I have down time, I feel like my life is stagnant and boring. I am craving movement and something to keep me on my toes.

I used to take pictures because there was so much chaos and change in my life, it was something that kept me still. If I stood in one place, looked around and concentrated on something that no one else noticed, I could make it important.

How did something that kept me standing still suddenly become something where if I'm not moving around , it is insignificant?

I can't remember how it got this way, but this isn't going to work.

I have been lacking motivation to climb. I'm not pushing myself to do it because, well, frankly, I don't want to. Instead, I've switched to running. It makes me feel good, it makes my dog tired and that is a win-win.

For now, I'm off again to satisfy my need to travel. Me and the pup are going to Ten Sleep for the next couple days to reunite with one of my best friends, Nori and hopefully be outside for as much time as I can before school ties me down.

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