just because

Matthew And The Atlas - Matthew And The Atlas -'Within The Rose' FlyTV In The Courtyard

it was too beautiful not to share.

Bubbles

It was that kind of day.

The kind where I slept through my alarm, woke up feeling anxious and frustrated and all around ugh.

So I glided into class pretending that I meant to be 25 minutes late and when I came home, I collapsed.

I needed something that was going to make me laugh.

I needed something fun.

Something good.

And then I saw the bubbles I bought from the dollar store.

perfect.

I blew bubbles for almost an hour. And it was funny, because thats the most productive I have felt all week. Maybe it was the crisp 'pop' noise when they hit objects and exploded. Maybe it was because Veda was scared of them at first, and then tried to eat them. Whatever it was, it made me extremely happy. The simplicity of things like this amazes me.

twenty

One week ago I celebrated my twentieth birthday.

Absolutely crazy. I can't believe all that I have experienced in two decades of years on this planet. Awhile ago, when I was feeling like my life was too boring and I needed reminded of some incredible things I had done, I made a list of all that I was proud of in my life. The list ended up being 5 pages long. Truly, I am proud of myself for who I am, what I do, what I stand for, and who I have surrounded myself with.

My goals for my twentieth year:

-continue pursuing my passions

-have fun

-get to know some really great people

-stand in one spot in the world that no one else has stood

-conquer my fear of flying

I will put that last one into practice in a couple days when I fly to New Orleans, LA with a new, shiny Lowepro (www.lowepro.com) backpack to carry all my moment capturing equipment. I was chosen for a project through the school to photograph the 5 year difference since Hurricane Katrina.

I will keep you updated by taking photos every step of the way. I am also striving to use the video capabilities on my camera, since it takes HD videos.

Sorry for the quick update, I'll make sure to post an extra long entry when I return from my adventures in the hopeful city of N.O.

Wishing you many adventures of your own!

the productive day.

I felt productive waking up today

so I made 2 quiches

and scones

and a cheesecake

and danced in the kitchen while I did this.

and watered the plants

and dusted

and vacuumed

and avoided all things homework and school related.

mmm productive days.

aspen groves

I open my eyes and I am serenaded with the gentle humming of bees and the swaying of the long wheat grass that is enveloping me. The cold back of my guitar lays across my chest and my fingers are curled around the neck, plucking at the strings to the songs in my head.

I did this for an hour, knowing that I had all the time in the world. I remembered this place that I have grown up in. The aspen grove trees that form arcs over my head and I parade through them, kicking up leaves as I go. This has always been one of my most favorite places in the world, I can run up this mountain and show you the spot where I learned how to whistle. I can bring you to the place where my first recollection of camping is. My memories are etched into the the hill where my brother, sister and I built our first tipi, and it is still standing.

When I first told my dad about having to decide about transferring and moving locations, he told me:

You need to go find a place in the mountains

to go and sit and think about all of this.

I love my dad.

So I packed up my guitar, my puppy and all of my thoughts and headed down to this place I forget how much I miss until I am there.

I came to the conclusion that I have no idea what to do. I kept praying for some sort of sign, like a square, Montana-shaped cloud. And when I started thinking I saw these square clouds in the sky above me, I realized all 3 states I'm considering moving to are squares. So I might have gotten the answer, I just can't distinguish between the three.

To update you on the rest of everything, since I have not come to a conclusion yet...things are going very chaotically. I believe that sometimes I like them like that; the no-time-to-sit-down kind of days. I am forced to perpetually move and I think it gives me a little encouragement and a little motivation to get things done.

we build bridges, just to burn them down

I got a job doing undergraduate research for people who write grants for advocacy work. Its hard for me to sit and read articles and take notes, or do computer work. But I also somehow need to keep a steady income to fund these wild adventurings I keep having.

I bought a new camera lens as a birthday gift for myself (monday, monday, monday is birthday day!) and I am in love with this thing. It blurs the background of everything if I want it to. Plus, it is shiny and ready to explore this life with me, and I can't wait to put it to good use.

These are my last couple days as a teenager. It is kind of a pivotal moment for me, the age where I am starting to actually feel like I am beginning. I guess have been beginning for awhile now, Monday will just mark the calendar day.

Also: my roommate and I joined an intramural soccer team.

ohhhh boy, time to get into running shape.

i hope this finds you well, know you are appreciated.

plan B

My Pandora station keeps playing soul music to me.

The kind that makes me dance and spin in circles in my kitchen when I'm making breakfast.

The kind that directly understands the core of my being, why I get up in the mornings.

The kind that makes me fall in love.

I am coming to terms with the fact that I have to move locations.

My major only accepts 25 students into the program each fall, and I don't have the grades that will put me ahead.

I haven't made a plan 'B' because I didn't think I needed one.

I have been contemplating moving for going on 3 years now. There is a difference between content and comfortable, and I think I'm just comfortable here.

This leap of faith is huge for me. Step one is to accept it. Step two is jumping. I'm at step 1.1 which is developing the acceptance.

The possibility of not being around these core people in my life scares me to pieces. But the thought that maybe there could be more than what I have here keeps me wondering.

What if there is more happiness somewhere else?

What if there are people who are going to be important in this new place?

What if I don't find happiness there?

There are a million different questions that are living in my mind right now.

I was feeling frustrated yesterday about the fact that my life was so up in the air.

So I left the house

Went out with some of my best friends

Took photos

Laughed until I was bending over and couldn't breathe

Got a brain freeze from being in the cold water (i'm guessing it was around 40 degrees)

and enjoyed

every

single

moment