Saturday, July 17, 2010

cold is the water.

I wish I could collect these things like light shining through the curtains in the room. I want to keep its warmth and its golden-ness around when the cold won't leave the depths of my bones.

I want to take away little moments from my life to put in these mason jars. Things I miss, like the feeling in your stomach when you've been laughing too hard to catch your breath. Things like how small you feel when you're staring at a mountain, things like the utter hopelessness of loving someone.

I have been making various goals for myself for this upcoming year. First of all, I set aside money for a plane ticket. This ticket will take me wherever I need to escape to. Having this available makes me feel better about staying somewhere for another year.

I'm going to make a better effort to keep myself happy and healthy. I'm starting to do yoga everyday, and my roommate and I have an extra room that we turned into a yoga room. One entire wall is covered in mirrors. Pictures to come.

Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is fear. Fear is so powerful and it can take so much control. The fear of letting the hinges of my soul get rusty by staying somewhere for too long, the fear of being just comfortable but not happy, the fear of the feeling of being frightened. All of these things are somewhere inside me but I am working hard to not let them control me. I'm happy with the outcome.

I'm not settling.

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