Monday, April 2, 2012

grey days

Yesterday was a sunny, bright day here. I woke up early, and ran errands around town with a skirt, tank top and sandals on. For Laramie in the wintertime (Oh yes, April is still considered winter here), it was such nice weather. We cleaned the house, washed the baseboards (!!), cleaned up, cleaned out, organized. It was a magnificent feeling to walk around the house and to know that things were taken care of. 

The nice days always make me feel a lot healthier. Getting sun in my face and bones and letting it sink in, until it places itself there for awhile. I baked some blueberry crumble dessert, which does my sweet tooth just fine.

The nice weather was only a glimpse of what the summer days will look like, though, because today I woke up to snow. Grey skies and a cold house. Heidi is sick with mono, and is quite exhausted from all the productivity and movement yesterday.

Grey days always make me reflect a little bit more. My mind always wanders back to those who I have lost along this way, the ones that I miss so much that my heart lets out a little yelp. I can't help it- when the snow falls and the sky turns a milky blue, sometimes it is really beautiful and I wish I could share it with those friends and family.

I think grief reminds me of a couple things. It has taught me to be vocal about who inspires me, who draws me in and makes me feel important and good. It has tugged at my heart strings and asked to love a little more, be a little more kind, to be a role model and someone honest. I don't fall into these things all the time, but days like this are almost necessary to re-center the balance. 

This afternoon I think I may just make a large cup of steaming tea and sit down with some pen and paper. It seems like a good day to create something meaningful.

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