"few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts"
I've tried to write for a couple days now, and it resulted in many "draft" posts. I felt like nothing I said was good enough, I wasn't saying things that mattered or people would want to hear. I feel like I lecture sometimes and I don't feel good about doing that either. So I start writing, get a paragraph down and then press the delete button so the computer can reverse my typing and get rid of all the things that aren't good.
My good friend Ann, presented at my school tonight. It was an emotional presentation definitely, since a lot of it was about my uncle. When the first video of him came up on the screen, seeing him move made me cry. It is hard to think about that he once moved, that he once was tangible, and nothing was "in his memory". Its sometimes hard to think about those days, because they seem like they are further away than I would like them to be. But I know that everything in my life is happening for a reason, and the gears are turning.
Ann's talk was mostly on how you can do anything you want. It sounds cliche, but so many people get caught up in "I could never do that". Why? I remember once when I was 12 I told my friend who was an adult that I wanted to be a photographer for National Geographic. She told me not to even try, that I couldn't make it because its so competitive. Although I'm not photographing for NG currently, I'm pushing it and I am so glad I didn't listen to her- because she was wrong.
The days leading up to this presentation I knew it would be kind of hard. So I put some incense in the box, whipped around my room, putting things in place and watching the smoke dance up in crisp ribbons around my window. Feeling more organized, I felt like my thoughts were more in line and more ready to deal with anything to come my way. I made myself breakfast with 2 eggs with turkey with cracked pepper, black olives, sharp cheddar cheese and avocados, along with strawberry yogurt with pomegranate granola on top. The last couple days have felt like I've been drifting through. Getting things done ahead of time, being organized, and more prepared for what is coming next in my life. Big things are happening.
I'm moving (so excited)
I'm going to Yosemite (sends butterflies to my stomach, but thats good)
I'm shooting 3 (!!!!) weddings in June, all back to back weekends.
My photography is making me happier than I ever thought possible, and more alive than I knew I could be- when you are focused on seeing things that other people look over, you see more details. It's so incredible.
And most of all, I have come to terms with the fact if our team doesn't get the grant, it doesn't mean I should stop pursuing it.
things are falling into place.