I can feel spring seeping into my bones. It makes me want mason jars with little green stems of plants creeping up the middle. I feel like a solar panel, and the more sun I am able to gather in, the more energy I have. It makes me want canoes and kayaks and rocks to climb. It makes me remember my bare toes on green grass and bluegrass music that I can dance to.
I love this time of year particularly because it makes me more positive. I have been watching friends go through some hard things lately. I've watched hearts break and life crumble in front of someone's feet. All that comes to mind is:
"Sometimes the only way is jumping. I hope you're not afraid of heights"
(thank you D. Powell and Gavin Degraw)
Seeing someone you care about go through something painful never feels good. In fact, to some degree I think it actually physically hurts. But, seeing these kinds of trials makes me so much more grateful for my own life. I am in a good stable point and it makes me happy that I can be a shoulder to lean on for these other people.
It's being a root in some sense. An emotional root. I completely attribute being able to stay positive through these situations to God.
It's funny how we make plans. Because like my own and many other people's that I have known, we all have some sort of 'grand plan' for our life. We set marks on our mental calenders to do "this" by some date in time. And I find that every time I try to plan something for my life, it never turns out the way I expect it to, or it never turns out at all. But I am constantly amazed about how when one plan closes, an opportunity sprouts. Once I think I am going to do one thing with my life, I find something else that I have more passion for, that drives me more and that consumes my mind and my heart and my soul into something that I could have never imagined. In total, I find things that make me come alive.
I try to do those things more often than not. I set aside time to wrestle with Veda on the floor. I am awestruck about how much of myself I see in that dog. And when I go without her, I feel like part my soul is left behind. Our living room currently has no furniture in it. When we play, she jumps around me in circles and then rolls around on the floor, chomping at air like a dinosaur. I can't help but wonder what shes thinking.
I signed a lease on a house yesterday. It is a 3 bedroom, 1 bath basement of a house. It has a huge living room and 2 big bedrooms. Betsy and I talked all yesterday about plans of decorations and which of my photographs we were going to put on the wall. I have to tell you, I am terribly excited to move into this place. It has heated tiles in the kitchen and my brain kept me awake last night thinking about all the wonderful things we can do with the third room. I asked Betsy if I could have the room with the window (as the other bedroom doesn't have one) since I think I would utterly fail without sunlight. We move in May 1st at I have my toes tapping about all the things I can make my room into. It is a new beginning for all of us, and I'm ready for the adventure.