Tuesday, February 23, 2010

hm.

my recent has consisted of pieces and parts.

I have been going to thrift stores every week. There is something about them that makes me curl my toes and makes my heart burst. I walk in and its an overload of stories. I can pick up a plate and think
where have you been?
what conversations have you heard?
I make the rounds in the shop, first to the clothes, then I try on shoes that are 4 times too big for my me since I have little baby sized feet. After that, I go over to the jewelry, and then lastly (and my most favorite) I look at the old cameras. Oh man, I wish I could afford to shoot my life in Polaroids.

I have always argued that the world isn't made up of atoms, it is made of stories. I guess thats exactly why I like to shop in secondhand places. It is like people-watching but with items instead.

A couple other random notes:

I feel like sometimes people don't trust my judgement on certain situations or people. And they never seem to understand that I know myself better than anyone. And what I choose is what I'm going to choose, regardless of their opinion. Because everyone has different context. I make the best decisions for myself and even know sometimes they turn out wrong, it was the best decision for me at the time, and I expect you to support me in that.

I hate loosing friendships. My life is a plant. My stems come from roots that are my soul sisters and brothers. I create bridges. I think the biggest compliment I have ever received is when someone said "you are really good at making good friends and keeping them around." But lately I have felt like those roots are thin for some and stronger for others. I guess that is how life goes, but its hard to try to fix those thinning strings when I feel like the support or respect doesn't go both ways anymore. I don't need to be lectured, I don't need you to tell me what I should have done or how it is going to go. My life is my own, and yours is your own. I think we all need help growing sometimes, but I don't think you should be lectured about how.

For a couple days I struggled with what to give up for Lent. I'm sure there are a million things that I could handle loosing for 40 days to make me a better person. But I feel like taking something on would be so much more beneficial to me. So...I came up with an idea. I wrote down 40 people's names and put them in a jar. Everyday I pick up a name, and spend time thinking, praying, sending good vibes to those people. I love it.

I read on a friend's blog that the best part of getting to know someone is finding that you are more intrigued by what they have to say then by what you have to tell them. that is beautiful.

I played banjo and guitar tonight. My life has been filled with these moments lately. It is a wonderful feeling, I have been seeing little parts of my soul everywhere..like bread crumbs leading to exactly where I am meant to sit.



from the cracks in the sink to the peeling paint on my walls
we show ourselves how to fit into the spaces.


2 comments:

  1. So... we need to be closer friends again. This made me miss you. I hope I'm in that jar :)

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  2. Oh Becca Becca Becca. Just like everything you do, your writing as a pretty unique style to it, and I love it, I will admit today is the first day I have read any of your stuff, but I am hooked now. I even went back and started reading old posts.

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