Monday, January 18, 2010

if i had words

if I had words to describe things currently it would be nice. They are somethings along the strings of beautiful, wonderful, exciting. But those don't do the feelings justice. I'm digging for some deeper feeling, some deeper root to bring the words up to my lips. They are there, I just am having some difficulty locating them. So I'm afraid I really can't tell you how I am experiencing things right now.

So here I am, laying on the floor, with a pot of tea next to my pillow and a puppy sleeping on my feet because I don't know what else to do. I am left feeling helplessly desperate for some color to touch, to help me find what I'm looking for.
So I will start with things I know: my church is a community. It is somewhere I love to go every weekend because I see the same people every week. This past sermon talked about how no one is a stranger. I love that. No one has to be a stranger, it is your choice in labeling them so.
I can tell you that laughing fills up my soul. I can also tell you that I have been doing a lot of it lately. It is a beautiful whirlwind of comfort, of letting something go, of being in the moment. I can tell you that things have been different. Not uncomfortable, but the path is starting to take a turn in a direction that I wouldn't have chosen awhile ago. It doesn't scare me, it doesn't make me afraid, it is something I would've never thought of; it strikes up my curiosity about what God and the universe is planning. So I am taking it one step at a time, taking in whatever comes my way. I can tell you that I'm settling in. I am becoming more comfortable with my morals, with my thoughts and feelings towards someone or something. It is something to be proud of, being comfortable with yourself and I think it makes life so much more enjoyable when you know that you can trust that who you are is the real you. No fillers, no substitutes or falsities. Find the best in yourself, hold on to it. Make sure it is what you want the best to be.Lastly, I can tell you I am not alone. I have people on my side, wishing the best for me. The feeling of support is indescribable and I have the utmost gratitude and respect for those people who do believe in what I'm doing. So I try harder to support them.

So I guess I do have words, they just aren't the ones I want to say. Please, whatever you do, live life to the best ability you can. We make mistakes, we get hurt, we love uncontrollably. In the end, it will make you a better person, it will make you stronger and your life will be filled with incredible opportunities.
(p.s. these pictures are old, but they were they struck something in me that let me get some words out.)
love life and love it well,

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