usually.

Usually...

I don't post twice in one day. I try to spread my posts out to good measure so that they are fairly spaced.

But for right now, I want to talk about brick walls.

I have been hitting them. Not literally, because that would be dangerous. And quite frankly, that would be concerning. But mentally I have been full on crashing into them lately. It is really quite frustrating. As soon as I find something good, a wall shows up, only to tell me "no, you can't go that way today."

I know that they are probably showing up for good reasons, mostly because that's not how "____" is supposed to happen but I wish I would at least getting a warning sign before it happens.

Something like hey, don't do this because it's going to involve a lot of your heart, so its probably not a good idea.

Or something like hey, wait, don't take this class...because even though it sounds cool, the professor is going to kill you with work.

Or like hey becca, eating cheesecake for breakfast every morning is eventually going to effect the way you climb because there are a zillion calories in those babies.

but

For once, I would like something to happen in the right time (preferably the timing I want) and for the right reasons.

And I would like them to happen because they are supposed to and no one else is involved.

I apologize. Because odds are, this makes no sense to you. But I would like

to thank you for still listening and reading, regardless of if it makes sense

or not.

But I guess, I'm just frustrated that I start things to just be shut down (as of lately). I've been a lot more tense too, because for some reason I feel tied down, though I'm not, and contained in this town. I've been trying to go on lots of adventures and do things that allow me to breathe. All of these things do help, but only for a couple hours and then I wind up frustrated again.

So attempt 2 at fleeing this popsicle stand will be happening tomorrow. Different town, different people and hopefully a better setting to calm my mind down.

Moral of the story...I'm crossing my fingers for fewer brick walls in my direct path in the next couple weeks. It would be so appreciated.